01 / Protect the Love
Chapter 1
Is My Child Good—or Do I Just Love Them?
Parents have asked me some version of the same question, usually off to the side where others cannot hear:
“How do I know if my child is really good? Or are they only really good in my eyes because I love them?”
It is a brave question. My first answer is not about height, speed, rankings, or the size of a child’s hands. I watch for desire.
When losing the chance to shoot hoops genuinely stings, that tells you something. When a child reaches for the ball without being told, that tells you even more. The passion belongs to them. They are not doing it only for you.
People want me to talk about potential. Someday, potential may include a vertical jump, wingspan, speed, and skill. Those things can matter. But one early indicator I watch closely is the child’s voluntary desire to play and practice. If your child loves the game and genuinely wants to get better at it, you have something important to build on.
If they do not love it right now, pay attention. That does not automatically mean they should quit. The environment may be wrong, the challenge too large, the instruction confusing, the schedule exhausting, or the experience more about adult expectations than childhood discovery.
When enthusiasm disappears, treat it as information. Understand it before answering with more pressure.
Let me tell you what passion looked like for me.
School started early, but I found a way to shoot before the day began. I found the gym during school. After team practice, I kept working. Sometimes younger players rebounded for me; other days I stayed until the people cleaning the building were ready to lock the doors.
Nobody had to turn the gym into punishment. The gym was the reward.
I imagined the late-game shot, the packed gym, and the ball in my hands. The public moment was exciting, but the private work was the part I kept choosing.
That is what you are looking for—not my schedule or dream, but what your child chooses. What do they reach for without direction? What makes them light up and try again?
Do not diagnose a lack of passion from one bad week. Watch the pattern. Love can grow when we feed it the right way. Stop staring only at talent and start watching for joy, curiosity, and voluntary effort. Those are not the whole answer, but they are a much better beginning than a ranking.
Parent Timeout
- What part of their sport does your child choose without being reminded?
- When did you last see pure joy in their trying, even when the result did not go their way?
- If their enthusiasm has changed, what changed around them?
Carry This
Protect the love.
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